ON SCREEN TEXT:

"There are an estimated 5000 serial killers active in The United States at any
given time."

"There are approximately 50,000 potential serial killers on file at the FBI Headquarters in Quantico, VA."

FADE IN:

1 EXT. CITY STREETS - MORNING 1

Streets and traffic on a regular day in a small city. We see these scenes as we
listen to the narration. The voice is THE FRANK'S.

NARRATION
My mother was an Alcoholic,…a
crackhead, and too many others to
name right now. She abused me my
whole life. She's dead. One morning
when I was nine my dad called me
down to breakfast. He had made
bacon and poured the grease into a
cup on the counter. I came down to
the kitchen and grabbed the cup. I
drank it. I thought it was juice or
whatever. It burnt my taste buds
off. I spent two weeks in the
hospital with internal third degree
burns and my taste buds never
grew back. All I can taste to this
day is ketchup and cat food. And
those just barely. Once when I was
twelve I stayed up all night
watching a horror movie marathon.
One of the movies was about this
crazy psycho killer. It was
different than the other movies I'd
seen. There were no vampires,
werewolves, zombies or goofy
rubber monsters. Just this guy in a
weird mask killing for no apparent
reason. That night, I discovered
what I wanted to do with my life.
Some kids want to grow up and
be firemen, doctor's and cowboys.
I wanted to be that killer.
Anonymous,…feared,…
invincible,…evil,…famous.
I haven't found my niche yet. It's
coming. I can feel it. It's just
around the corner.

CUT TO:

2 EXT. A STREET-SIDE RUN DOWN BUILDING 2

THE FRANK sits at the foot of a doorway of an old run down building. He is
calm an almost void of expression as legs pass back and forth through our field of
vision.
After a moment he stands up and walks out of the frame.

CUT TO:

3 INT. A LIVINGROOM - NIGHT 3

The LARGE MAN sits in front of a TV watching "Night of the Rabid Weasels."
We can hear the main theme. The man stops munching potato chips when he
hears a thud from outside. Annoyed, he gets up to investigate. He goes to the
door and opens it. THE FRANK is standing in the door face to face with the large
man. He is wearing a Darth Vader helmet, a skull mask, & an army jacket. Before
the man can react, THE FRANK shoves a steak knife into his stomach about ten
times. The man falls to the floor as THE FRANK pulls a hand drill from his
pocket and drills into the mans forehead. We see blood splatter the walls as the
drilling sound climbs in pitch. Suddenly a BLONDE WOMAN enters the room,
and seeing THE FRANK, begins to scream. Her screaming rises and becomes
more insane and frenzied with each passing second as THE FRANK slowly gets
up , dropping the bloodied drill, and begins approaching her. He calmly grabs a
large book from a table and with a one powerful swing clocks her head with a
messy thud. She slumps to the floor as THE FRANK pauses to read the cover of
the book . Half covered by blood and bits of flesh, the cover reads "The History
Of Art In America".

CUT TO:

4 INT. A BEDROOM - MORNING 4

As THE FRANK jolts upright in bed, we hear a loud whisper. It says, "Opus".

CUT TO:

5 EXT. THE STREETSIDE RUN DOWN BUILDING 5

THE FRANK sits in the foot of the same doorway. He watches traffic go by. Legs
pass by him on their way to something important. A slower pair of legs pass by
and tosses a coin into the cup that He is holding. THE FRANK looks up,
disgusted and defeated.

THE FRANK
Hey, that was my fuckin' drink!
(To himself) Asshole.

FADE TO:

6 INT. YOUNG WOMAN'S KITCHEN - TWILIGHT 6

A YOUNG WOMAN washes dishes at a sink. The backdoor is open but the
screen door is closed. She's attractive, pleasant, and cheerful.

CUT TO:

7 EXT. YOUNG WOMAN'S YARD 7

Stalker cam approaches the side porch of house and peers in at the YOUNG
WOMAN. THE FRANK barks like a small dog and the YOUNG WOMAN,
hearing it, dries her hands and walks over to the screen door. She opens it and
knocks THE FRANK off of the porch as He falls into the bushes. The woman
looks around and calls for the dog, waits and then goes back inside to finish her
dishes. She shuts the door behind her and locks it.

CUT TO:

8 INT. YOUNG WOMAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 8

Window in bedroom slowly opens. THE FRANK peers in and lifts himself into
the room, falling into a coffee table knocking a lamp over and onto his head. He
stands and we can see him very clearly. He is wearing a generic Halloween mask
and an army jacket, and brandishing a hand saw. A trickle of blood is streaming
down his neck. He takes a step and trips right out of the frame. From the floor he
sees the small dog he was impersonating running towards him. The dog attacks
THE FRANK viciously. He grabs the dog by the neck and delivers a right jab to
the muts face then chunks it out of the open window apparently into a cat because
we hear a loud raaooowww. He shuts the window and turns to pick up the hand-
saw. The YOUNG WOMAN is standing in front of him pointing a gun at his face.

CUT TO:

9 EXT. A RURAL HIGHWAY - SUNRISE 9

THE FRANK limps down the road holding the generic mask in one hand and
holding his bloodied leg with the other. Blood is also still trickling down his
cheek and neck.

CUT TO:

10 EXT. THE RUN DOWN BUILDING - DAY 10

THE FRANK sits at his usual spot in the doorway of the old run down building.
He looks crumpled and lifeless.

CUT TO:

11 INT. YOUNG WOMAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT 11

The YOUNG WOMAN is vacuuming with the door open but the screen door
closed. The Frank watches her from the front porch. He trys to open the screen
but the latch is locked. The YOUNG WOMAN hears the latch click and stops
washing the dishes. She drys her hands and annoyed approaches the door.
Suddenly THE FRANK looms up into view. She screams. He raises a chainsaw
so she can see it and proceeds to start it up. He pulls and pulls at the rip cord but it
won't start. The YOUNG WOMAN just stares in disbelief. Disgusted he tosses
the chainsaw away rips the door open breaking the latch off. As he enters he pulls
out a butcher knife and starts swinging it for intimidation purposes. he becomes
distracted by the reflection of the light off of the blade and when he looks up the
woman is gone. He begins searching the house for her and looks into several
different rooms. In the living room a show similar to "Friends" is on the TV. We
can hear the theme song while the scene plays out.

TV THEME SONG
I'll be there with you
We'll be hangin' around
'Cause I'll be there for you
Turn that frown upside down

I'll be there with you
And you're there with me too

Instead of finding her THE FRANK opens a hall closet door to reveal a huge
scary, RETARD looking guy peering down at him. The RETARD smiles at THE
FRANK and grabs him up like he was a rag doll and closes the closet door.

CUT TO:

12 EXT. THE RUN DOWN BUILDING - DAY 12

THE FRANK sits back at his spot at the run down building. He is tattered and
ragged. He is also ticking every ten seconds or so. He pulls out his wallet and
extracts a small picture. He looks at it deeply, and then ticks again. The
photograph is of an older woman. Probably his mother.

CUT TO:

13 EXT. YOUNG WOMAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT 13

Stalker cam stalks yard and up to house.

CUT TO:

14 INT. YOUNG WOMAN'S KITCHEN 14

THE FRANK peers in to find the woman sitting alone smoking a cigarette and
arranging matches on the kitchen table. She is perfecting an intricate, and
unintelligible design. THE FRANK opens the screen door and steps into the
house. He pulls out a drill gun and proceeds to drill at her for intimidation
purposes. She runs away from him and down the hallway into a bedroom. He
pursues her at a snails pace for effect. When he finally reaches the door of the
room she had ran into , he opens it to reveal her bloody corpse, all slashed up on
the bed. A figure in a welders mask and black overcoat looms over her body with
a pair of bloody garden shears. THE WELDER turns and looks at THE FRANK
in his Darth Vader helmet and army jacket. THE WELDER cocks his head as if to
listen, or like a dog. THE FRANK also cocks his head in the same way. The too
killers prepare to do battle. THE WELDER lunges and severs THE FRANK'S left
arm off. It plumps to the floor. THE FRANK just stands there and looks at his
arm in stupid awe. THE WELDER picks up his arm and runs from the room with
it. THE FRANK follows after him frantically to the microwave in the kitchen
where he stuffs the arm in and shuts the door. THE FRANK is fighting him but
the welder is winning. He pushes the start button and then holds THE FRANK
back. After a moment the arm explodes with a gushing pop. THE FRANK
crumples in defeat as THE WELDER turns and walks back down the hallway.
THE FRANK just sits there as blood pours from his left stump. THE WELDER
comes back into the room dragging the body of the woman. He drags it by THE
FRANK and out the screen door. THE FRANK watches until they are gone and
then slowly stands. Blood drips to the floor. He fumbles through the cabinets and
pulls out a bag of potato chips, turns and walks out the door.

CUT TO:

15 INT. JUNK SHOP - DAY 15

THE FRANK searches and picks around amid old shoes, hats, stereos, baseball
gloves and other junk. After a few moments he approaches the counter of the
small second hand store. He lays a mannequin's arm down on the counter.

CLERK
Two dollars.

Emotionlessly THE FRANK gives him the money and walks out of the store. The
CLERK'S eyes follow him all the way. After he's gone,

CLERK
Freak…

CUT TO:

16 INT. THE FRANK'S LIVINGROOM - THE WINDOWS ARE COVERED 16

THE FRANK sits in a small room. The room is covered with all kinds of trash,
clothes, soda cans, etc. The "Friends" satire is playing on TV and we can hear
the whiney voices of the characters. THE FRANK is duct taping his new arm on.
When he finishes he lowers his sleeve to observe his handy work. He shrugs
weirdly to himself and reaches for his drink with his new arm. He knocks the
drink over. He howls and growls in anger.

CUT TO:

17 INT. PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE 17

THE FRANK lies on a couch talking as he stares at the ceiling. The camera backs
away to reveal that THE FRANK is in therapy and the psychiatrist who is leaning
in a chair is a cut out person, one like you might pose next to in a picture at a
county fair.

THE FRANK
I used to pee in the bed until I
was twelve. Momma Said it was
'cause I was ugly. She always
said I was the ugliest. She said
peeing in the bed was ugly and
that one day they would kill
me And sell my body to Old
Man Himbrey for dog food.
Momma said Dogs loved pee
marinated little boys. Momma
said I was a dog's Heaven just
waiting to happen ….. She used
to hit me with my Sister, she'd
just pick her up and hit me
with her…..

During this out-pouring of reflection we often see the face of the cut-out therapist
as if he is taking this all in.

FADE TO BLACK:

FADE IN:

18 EXT. A RUN DOWN CITY STREET - DAY 18

A DRUNK MAN is walking down the street carrying a bag of groceries. THE
FRANK suddenly jumps out of the bushes with a butcher knife duct-taped into his
mannequin's hand and swings at the DRUNK MAN. He moves sloppily out of the
way, pushes THE FRANK aside and moves along hardly even put out.

CUT TO:

19 EXT. A NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 19

A TEN YEAR OLD GIRL walks down the street carrying school books and stuff.
Suddenly THE FRANK, in a gas mask, springs from the bushes with an electric
saw. He waves it in the air at the little girl and then stops. He turns, picks up the
cord from the ground and looks at it. He starts looking in the brush for the
extension plug. The little girl watchess him with curious speculation. The Frank
finds the extension cord and plugs the saw in . He begins waving it maniacally in
the air as it whines and roars. The little girl smiles at The Frank like she's
watching her favorite show on TV. He lunges at her with the saw. Suddenly her
smile becomes a growl as she slashes at The Frank wildly with a pencil. And
another,…and another,…she slashes , and slashes and slashes as The Frank
hunkers in a withering heap.

CUT TO:

20 INT. THE FRANK'S LIVINGROOM - THE WINDOWS ARE COVERED 20
THE FRANK is sitting in front of the TV pulling bloody pencils from his arms
and legs. He's wincing in pain. He is still struggling to use his fake arm.

FADE TO BLACK:

FADE IN:

21 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY 21

THE FRANK walks down a long hallway. Students carrying books pass him as he
comes to a stop in front of a booth window. The REGIATRAR behind the
window looks up from a stack of papers.

REGISTRAR
yes?

THE FRANK
Uh, yeah, I want to sign up for
this class .

THE FRANK shoves the paper in front of the REGISTRAR. One of the classes
offered is circled several times with different inks and highlighted also. The
REGISTRAR scans THE FRANK with detestable eyes.

REGISTRAR
Ninety dollars and thirty cents,….

CUT TO:

22 INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT 22

THE FRANK walks up to a door and pushes it open. It is a classroom filled with
students, one in a hockey mask, another in a cheap plastic halloween mask, one is
wearing the GHOSTFACE costume from scream, another looks like a DRUG
FIEND, and another is wearing a toboggan with the eyes cut out like
Mushmouth from Fat Albert, another is the TEN YEAR OLD GIRL who gave
THE FRANK all the pencils. She gives him the evil eye as he finds himself a seat.
Still another student is wearing a painter's mask, and one is completely normal
and straight looking like a banker or something, and another is dressed up like
Abraham Lincoln.

THE FRANK walks over and sits in a chair just as the teacher begins to speak.
His name tag reads MR. HOOTER.

MR.HOOTER
ok, nice to see all of you! I'm
Mr. Hooter and Let's get right
to it, ok? Uh, Mr. Drug Fiend
is it?… You're Attacking a
college cheerleader in her
sorority house. You've already
stabbed her once but then she
manages to Flee from you and
locks herself in the bathroom,…

The DRUG FIEND immediately stands and begins cursing and thrashing about.
With a swoosh GHOSTFACE'S hand goes up .

MR.HOOTER
Do you, A. burn the house down?
B. go into A berserker rage and
claw and bite your way through
the Door? or C. go outside and
drink a beer until she comes out?

DRUG FIEND
Uh, go outside and drink a beer?

MR.HOOTER
No, sorry,..

DRUG FIEND
Damn, shit, fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MR.HOOTER
Um, Mr. Ghostface?

GHOSTFACE
Go outside and drink a beer
until her friends Come home and
then kill them instead.

MR.HOOTER
Fine. Good. Good.

CUT TO:

23 INT. THE FRANKS LIVINGROOM 23

THE FRANK enters his apartment and drops his books onto the table. He goes to
the refrigerator and grabs a soda. He sits down in front of the TV and we once
again hear the "Friends" satire song.

CUT TO:

24 EXT. THE FRANKS YARD - NIGHT 24

The yard and exterior of his home looks like a junkyard. We see THE FRANK
being stalked from outside his window. THE FRANK grabs a soda from the
fridge, opens it, takes a few swills and sets it down on the table in front of the TV.

CUT TO:

25 INT. THE FRANK'S LIVINGROOM 25

THE FRANK goes to the bathroom and we hear his front door-lock being picked.
The door opens to reveal THE WELDER. He enters and walks over to the TV and
looks down at The Frank's drink and then looks to towards the bathroom door and
we can hear THE FRANK relieving himself. THE WELDER pulls out his
johnson and begins urinating into the soda. THE FRANK opens the bathroom
door and walks out and over to the TV and sits down. After a moment he picks up
the soda and turns it up. He gags and spits it out all over the TV. We see the
screen showing a Chandler-esque character getting sprayed with cola. THE
FRANK gets up and chunks the can into the trash can. He reaches for the
refrigerator door and as soon as he cracks it open THE WELDER springs out and
stabs him several times knocking him to the floor. THE FRANK manages to free
himself by pulling off his fake arm and clubbing THE WELDER off of him with
one stupid thud.

CUT TO:

26 INT. THE FRANK'S BATHROOM 26

THE FRANK runs into the bathroom and locks the door. Suddenly a woman
jumps out from behind the shower curtain and stabs him, knocking him onto the
floor.

REJECTED PROM DATE
So, you didn't want to go to the
Prom with a fat girl hunh???!!!
You bastard !!!!!

Immediately, THE WELDER bursts through the door and starts grappling with
the REJECTED PROM DATE as THE FRANK bolts from the bathroom and out
the door.

CUT TO:

27 EXT. A NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - NIGHT 27
THE FRANK haphazardly races down the street as THE WELDER follows
after him.

CUT TO:

28 INT. AN OLD COUPLES LIVINGROOM 28

An OLD COUPLE sits watching a horror movie and eating popcorn. Suddenly
the door busts open and THE FRANK and THE WELDER fall into the middle of
the room grappling at each other. The couple doesn't even flinch and continues
stuffing the popcorn into their mouths as they are transfixed by the serial killers
battling in the middle of their living room instead of the TV. Struggling, THE
FRANK pulls out a card from his back pocket and thrusts it into THE
WELDER'S face. We see that the card says " UNITED SERIAL KILLER'S
ASSOCIATION ". THE WELDER stops and looms, seemingly lifeless over THE
FRANK. THE FRANK pants in relief as THE WELDER Throws the card down
onto the floor and begins stomping and jumping up and down on it In frustration.
THE WELDER pauses and peers down at THE FRANK and cocks his head to the
side like a dog. He turns and begins savagely hacking away at the couple. THE
FRANK stands and for a moment watches in disappointment and failure, the
screaming, flailing couple . He turns to the TV. A young woman is screaming and
fighting off a killer. THE FRANK, forgetting that his arm is still lying on the floor
of his kitchen, looks to his wrist. He realizes his mistake, leans down and grabs the
arm of one of the dead popcorn eaters and looks at the watch on it as THE
WELDER continues to mutilate the couple. THE FRANK walks to the TV and
switches the channel. He sits down in front of the TV and reaches for a the bloody
bowl of popcorn as the "Friends" satire starts amidst the screaming and gushing
sounds. THE FRANK watches the TV with absent interest.

CUT TO BLACK:

THE END

CREDITS ROLL

CUT TO:

29 INT. OLD COUPLES LIVINGROOM - ALTERNATE ENDING #1 29

The OLD COUPLE sits watching a horror movie and eating popcorn when
suddenly THE FRANK and THE WELDER burst through the door and into a
struggling heap on the floor. THE WELDER raises the butcher knife into the air
to take the last and fatal stab into THE FRANK just as the OLD WOMAN puts a
shotgun barrel into THE WELDER'S face.

OLD LADY
Sam, call cousin Clovis. Looks
like the spider just caught a
fly……..

CUT TO:

30 INT. A ROOM 30

THE WELDER sits tied to a chair in front of a door. A gun is pointed in his face.
We hear THE FRANK screaming horribly from behind the door………..

CUT TO BLACK:

MORE CREDITS ROLL

CUT TO:

FADE IN:

31 INT. OLD COUPLES LIVINGROOM - ALTERNATE ENDING #2 31

A couple sits watching a horror movie and eating popcorn. Suddenly The door
bursts open and THE FRANK and THE WELDER fall into the room in a heap of
fist and knife swinging. Suddenly THE WELDER lifts off his helmet to reveal
long beautiful hair falling down the face of A SUPERMODEL.

SUPERMODEL
Oh, Frankie, I can't do it! I
love you! I've always loved
you! Take me and have lots
of gratuitus sex with my
surgically enhanced breasts
and perfectly tanned body.

THE FRANK looks directly into the camera almost expressionless for a
Moment. From off camera we hear,

SUPERMODEL
Oh, yes, talk to me like a
pirate, baby!

THE FRANK stares absently into the camera for a moment.

CUT TO BLACK:

FADE IN: A white room

32 The scene fades in from white. THE FRANK sits opposite a figure in white. The
figure is JESUS CHRIST. He is looking at THE FRANK.

JESUS
Hello.

FRANK
You gotta be kidding me.

JESUS
Nope. It's real. I'm real. You're
real. We're here.

FRANK
Wow!... Am I dreaming?

JESUS
Perhaps.

FRANK
What's wrong with me? Why can't I
do anything right?!

JESUS
Well, first of all, your mom really
fucked you up!

FRANK
I know. It's just that,...

JESUS
Look, Frank, you have a dream.
You just Follow that dream.

FRANK
But isn't it evil to kill?

JESUS
There is no evil, Frank. It's all
nature. Predator, prey,..It's just
nature. The rabbit nor the wolf is
evil, Frank.

FRANK
What about microwaving cats?

JESUS
Look, I have plenty of other places
to be!

FRANK
Sorry.

JESUS
Look, Manson did it, and he's
the biggest wuss that ever lived.
Just stop being a pussy and get
it right!

FADE OUT: